I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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