I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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