Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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