Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
