so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
