he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize