mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize