If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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