I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
