He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
