Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize