i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
