I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When are your genitals available?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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