If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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