..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
