Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
