Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
