sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
