it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
