I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was confusing and full of hummus
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
