Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
