; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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