I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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