On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
