I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
