ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm going to jail i love you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone came in the potted fern
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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