eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
