The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize