i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
In America we eat man semen.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
