Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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