he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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