I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
