So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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