New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize