I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
