I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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