My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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