Duck Duck Cougar?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
