my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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