someone threw a dead crab at me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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