I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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