help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
