this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
