Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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