So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize