hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
