You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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