so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize