WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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