Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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