conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
