I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
