I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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