please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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