I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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