Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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