Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
