I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
