I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize