Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
