hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
