yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
