Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
