jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
