her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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