U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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