I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
