I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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