I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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