I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
