i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
