I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
