I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
