I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
