My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
