Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
