I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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