um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
