Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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