New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
