I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
