talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
