i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
