Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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