I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
