Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
