But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize