I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
