Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
A+ Viking dick
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
