In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
