oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
