Already got asked if we're dating
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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