OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
