Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
