Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize