where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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