i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
