Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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