did you get engaged???
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
