apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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