i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
