I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
