She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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