i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
its not stalking. its research.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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