did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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