In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
