I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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