I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
