; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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