Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
